Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously