you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.