Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.