Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.