If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.