I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.