Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.