The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on