Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok