Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (443)

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  So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"

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  (302): So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned? (443): I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me" http://tfl.nu/og83
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.

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  (443): My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth. http://tfl.nu/a6mm
  Replies (36) Good night (2612) Bad night (998)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I could have mohawked her pubes.

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  (443): I could have mohawked her pubes. http://tfl.nu/msas
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  onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

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  (516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h
  Replies (134) Good night (12905) Bad night (25546)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.

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  (443): That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face. http://tfl.nu/yqg0
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just cropdusted the office

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  (443): Just cropdusted the office http://tfl.nu/i6zb
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms

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  (443): the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms http://tfl.nu/2y09
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

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  (443): Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check. http://tfl.nu/gtrd
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

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  haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

  (443): View more from Maryland

  that only happened once.

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  (443): why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag? (410): haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background (443): that only happened once. http://tfl.nu/9rml
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  4.

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  (443): How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner? (402): 4. http://tfl.nu/fuje
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her

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  (443): when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her http://tfl.nu/gfqm
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  and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.

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  (443): and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life. http://tfl.nu/6kb7
  Replies (8) Good night (4056) Bad night (580)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad

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  (443): just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad http://tfl.nu/g8m9
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

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  (443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.

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  (443): There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now. http://tfl.nu/lz21
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