you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
where are you?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.