like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20