the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to