I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.