my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants