Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
it glows. i had to have it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.