I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.