I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved