Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Go fuck yourself
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.