I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.