And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!