She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"