2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.