I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.