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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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