I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon