I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.