I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.