Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".