The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.