I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong