I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.