3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?