The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning