Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?