I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we made out on top of his cat.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I could make wine with my vomit
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.