can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.