Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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  College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.

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  (503): College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk. http://tfl.nu/e4bz
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  Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on

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  (503): Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on http://tfl.nu/atvv
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  like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

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  (503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6
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  I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.

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  I am not joking.

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  (503): I just pulled a feather out of my vagina. (503): I am not joking. http://tfl.nu/l5ol
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  I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.

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  (503): I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/2hrq
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  this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

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  dude.

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  yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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  (503): this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor" (541): dude. (503): yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating. http://tfl.nu/t5uc
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  I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..

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  (503): I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus.. http://tfl.nu/6jqk
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  At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.

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  (503): At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit. http://tfl.nu/01u9
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  My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.

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  (503): My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it. http://tfl.nu/89xj
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  Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today

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  (503): Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today http://tfl.nu/xs2q
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  and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.

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  (503): and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath. http://tfl.nu/qhij
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  what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?

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  (503): what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage? http://tfl.nu/3y3m
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  Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.

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  (503): Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account. http://tfl.nu/dorm
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  It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.

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  (503): It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn. http://tfl.nu/grez
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  i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass

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  (503): i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass http://tfl.nu/zsw3
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