Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (412)

Last Night in Pennsylvania (412)

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you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it

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(412): you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it http://tfl.nu/8zt4

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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.

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(412): I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not. http://tfl.nu/jtsf

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the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

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...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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(412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce

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You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.

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(412): You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night. http://tfl.nu/f2ed

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WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT

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(412): WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT http://tfl.nu/7f7v

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fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?

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Winning.

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(412): fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life? (717): Winning. http://tfl.nu/sgsw

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For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early

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(412): For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early http://tfl.nu/4ftf

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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts

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Am I supposed to find that romantic?

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(412): I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts (1-412): Am I supposed to find that romantic? http://tfl.nu/carb

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dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop

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(412): dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop http://tfl.nu/q8xc

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Drinking in an igloo changes everything.

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(412): Drinking in an igloo changes everything. http://tfl.nu/71hs

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it's a girl!!

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That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years

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(412): it's a girl!! (614): That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years http://tfl.nu/ln73

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you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..

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ya and it worked didnt it??

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(412): you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron.. (614): ya and it worked didnt it?? http://tfl.nu/b3g5

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there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"

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(412): there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty" http://tfl.nu/qrhn

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I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

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You make your fellow Jews happy.

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(412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio

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I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.

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(412): I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory. http://tfl.nu/1joi

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Last Night in Pennsylvania (412)

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