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we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
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