Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.