is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
