when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.