And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.