So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY