Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (201)

Last Night in New Jersey (201)

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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.

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I'm trying to hide in the table.

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(973): You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man. (201): I'm trying to hide in the table. http://tfl.nu/7531

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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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(201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj

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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal

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(201): It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal http://tfl.nu/8mo5

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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.

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(201): Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus. http://tfl.nu/06dr

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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.

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(201): If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses. http://tfl.nu/91v1

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I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.

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(201): I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone. http://tfl.nu/6r51

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I put xanax in the cake batter

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Did you really? It all makes sense now.

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(201): I put xanax in the cake batter (1-201): Did you really? It all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/asjy

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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?

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(201): Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion? http://tfl.nu/hwen

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It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.

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(201): It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night. http://tfl.nu/1gt9

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Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.

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(201): Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour. http://tfl.nu/pcyi

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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.

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(201): In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me. http://tfl.nu/k6g0

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Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.

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(201): Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us. http://tfl.nu/sjtk

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I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet

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(201): I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet http://tfl.nu/6676

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hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring

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(201): hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring http://tfl.nu/45rz

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Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING

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(201): Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING http://tfl.nu/cx17

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Last Night in New Jersey (201)

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