He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
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we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i dont even know how to be here
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors