can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i dont even know how to be here
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.