grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i dont even know how to be here
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"