So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories