his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.