the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....