i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight