Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.