anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs