My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.