Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.