I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.