Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked