Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.