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im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
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