When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i drank out of a bidet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs