Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.