Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (443)

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  I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.

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  (443): I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network. http://tfl.nu/hbga
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  do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

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  (443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07
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  do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?

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  (443): do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick? http://tfl.nu/6riv
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  Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?

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  (443): Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here? http://tfl.nu/y0ko
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  Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

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  (443): Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears. http://tfl.nu/xwms
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  The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

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  (443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a
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  i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober

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  (443): i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober http://tfl.nu/mim6
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  I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now

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  (443): I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now http://tfl.nu/gk88
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  Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls

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  (443): Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls http://tfl.nu/0maf
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  sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?

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  (443): sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this? http://tfl.nu/z2x3
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  he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

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  (443): he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber http://tfl.nu/w4rq
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  And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes

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  (443): And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes http://tfl.nu/p6zo
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  i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list

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  (443): i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list http://tfl.nu/fyip
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  There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.

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  So glad I found your sister.

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  (240): There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find. (443): So glad I found your sister. http://tfl.nu/p3yp
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  He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.

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  (443): He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep. http://tfl.nu/lshi
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