I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose