I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.