She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.