I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.