I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.