I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling