I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.