The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.