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I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
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