It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.