Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?