looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention