Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Toronto (416)

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

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  (416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying. http://tfl.nu/y4gl
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes

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  (416): she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes http://tfl.nu/kujh
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...

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  (416): I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed... http://tfl.nu/ew3h
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it

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  (416): but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it http://tfl.nu/djus
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.

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  (416): I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover. http://tfl.nu/3ouv
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  How did people poop without Blackberrys?

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Motorola Razers?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Stone age, man.

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  (902): How did people poop without Blackberrys? (416): Motorola Razers? (902): Stone age, man. http://tfl.nu/a751
  Replies (53) Good night (4123) Bad night (755)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?

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  (416): I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL? http://tfl.nu/iaot
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.

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  (416): Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only. http://tfl.nu/udpk
  Replies (33) Good night (4523) Bad night (891)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.

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  (416): Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management. http://tfl.nu/afuw
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Thursdays are my worst days

  (1-416): View more from Ontario

  but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?

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  (416): Thursdays are my worst days (1-416): but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay? http://tfl.nu/vmle
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.

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  (416): I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom. http://tfl.nu/jkib
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.

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  (416): Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her. http://tfl.nu/nm33
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I wanna be on tlc

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.

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  (416): I wanna be on tlc (905): Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless. http://tfl.nu/gr13
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.

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  (416): Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism. http://tfl.nu/ra36
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know

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  (416): I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know http://tfl.nu/hsw7
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