When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?