I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.