No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.