I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
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The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?